Bitter or Better?

Do you want to be Bitter or Better? There have been plenty of times in my life where I had a choice to deal with a challenging situation in a positive or negative way. Out of the many life lessons my mom has instilled in me this one has been the most prominent one. She would say, “Maddie are you going to be bitter or better?” 

“It is not easy, but it will always be worth it”.

Bitter is easy, it is our automatic response to a hurt.  Unforgiveness and focusing on the hurt or loss will settle in your heart. It will create bitterness that will control your thoughts and actions. We have to give forgiveness to others or even to ourselves just as Jesus does for us.  We cannot let the root of hurt settle in our heart because it is toxic.

Choosing to be better takes intentional work and reveals the authenticity of one’s character. You have to decide that you are going to use times that crush your heart and life to grow personally and spiritually. Difficult times are one of the most important tools we can use to shape our lives. Painful experiences are hard to understand. It is easy to question Why Me? Why does he have cancer, why would a special friend betray me, why do I have to go through this? Sometimes the things we struggle with the most are the things that we can grow from, learn from, and help others deal with. Always remember to be grounded in a solid faith, abounding hope, and grace that is never ending. You find this true joy and peace in no one other than- Jesus. 

Choosing better starts with our mindset. We have to change the way we think. The way we think determines how we feel, and the way you feel influences the way you act. This verse really spoke to me.

Don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work, so you become mature and well developed. James 1:4 The Message

What? I am not supposed to want this hurt to end. I am supposed to embrace this time. Really…. That is hard! This is where intentionally choosing to be better comes into play. We have to change our mindset and think: 1) What can I learn from this? 2) What is God using this experience to teach me? 3) How can I use this painful time to help minister or support others? 

Of course the bitter side of us is human nature and what our minds automatically gravitate to. Here is where the work comes in. We have to stop and process what is happening and grow from it. This is where God is shaping us to be more like His Son, Jesus Christ. In the midst of shame, hurt, or weakness we can grow in so many ways. It will not be easy, but it will always be worth it!

What challenging time or past hurt is lying dormant in your heart as a root of bitterness. It is time for us to take a full inventory of our thoughts and mind. We know “hurt people, hurt people.” Do not allow this to happen. Do not be one of those people. Today is the best day to decide that I am going to forgive, move forward, and not allow bitterness to have any control over my life. It is your decision…. Are you going to be bitter or are you going to be better? 

Be quick to apologize, earnest to forgive, abide in fruitfulness and shine your light. 

With love, 

Maddie Milani Fall ’20